Vietnam's Northern Line

13th December - Cu chi - Southern Vietnam

Hey fool, gimme that gun!

Ever since the age of 12, I have been 12. When, at an age of 28, I had the opportunity to go down some Viet Minh tunnels and shoot machine guns all in the same day, I was as giddy as a schoolboy.

The Cu Chi area, some 50km outside Saigon, was an area of fierce fighting between American and Viet Minh forces in the late '60s. This type of combat was not new to the Viet Minh who had been fighting the occupational forces of the French and later the Americans since the '50s and had developed a vast network of tunnels (some of which ran underneath American military installations) to allow them to quickly move between locations in relative safety.

Today, it is possible to visit the tunnels to learn about the plight of the VM. However for many, it is a chance to crawl through small, dark underground passages and shoot machine guns. I hesitate whether to exclude myself from this number.

After the main part of the tour, which includes shows of tiger traps, bolt holes and craters from the payloads of B52s, you are invited to spend your hard earned dollar on varying 7.62mm rounds for a number of different weapons.

I opted for the 10 rounds on the M60 (tripod mounted 'big boy') machine gun and another 5 on an AK47. The former, being fully automatic, belt-fed and with a rate of fire of 550rpm, ate most of my money in a single burst whilst simultaneously rendering me deaf. I finished off the rest of the bullets and might have even hit the target. The AK, a more lightweight assualt rifle, proved quite accuate an easy to handle. However it didn't look as cool.

After the joys of handling live weopons, one might reasonably expect the rest of the day to be comparatively dull. However, that was not to be: Shortly after ruptering both eardrums, we were invited to closely inspect a 100m length of the tunnels, with depths ranging from 3 - 9 metres underground.

Although most people took this tour to see the tunnels, I was surprised at the number of people who abstained at the last minute. I was happy to play follow the leader as we descended into the humid and thoroughly claustrophobic entrance to the tunnels. From that point onwards, it was a case of trying to keep up with those in front whilst sweating one's way around the network of tunnels. I think that the picture below aptly demonstrates my state of relaxation (well it was pretty dark when the flash went out...).

Let's get tattoos!

10th December - Saigon, Vietnam

Once in a blue your dreams come true
If someone's looking out for you
So party on dude let's buy some booze
Go downtown and get tattoos

Yeah right. What with the pain, hepatitis and spelling mistakes to be considered. No, definately not. Suits on the other hand are almost pain free, medically screened and the same in all languages. Let's get suits.

I should like to take this opportunity to note, that in the ordering, tailoring and subsequent photographing of our new threads, I went through one of life's cruellest dilemas; sunglasses on or sunglasses off.

As we know, there are some situations when they must be worn, such as when;


- conducting a graduate interview;
- comforting someone in distress or;
- in a club.

Normally a 'no brainer', I agree. However if we were to get this one wrong we might be mistaken for the Eurythmics or even Tommy Lee Jones/Will Smith in panto. It was a risk that I was not willing to take.

Saigon beer on the other hand...

Where the wind blows

9th December - Mui Ne, Vietnam

You may have noted from previous postings that, both myself and Helen found Vietnam to be a highly enjoyable experience on many levels; most notably, the people who, are both friendly and interesting.

However, in Mui Ne, it was all about the beach.

I am no fan of beaches, which I usually find a little too sandy, but this was a little different. This was no place for swimming, sea fishing or being old. No. It was almost entirely devoted to wind surfing and kite surfing. I happen to know this because I spent 3 days watching them from the safety of my sun lounger, further up the beach. No 20ft jumps for me.

In all seriousness, our few days on the coast came as an ideal break from the fast paced life of the global trainsetter. The weather was perfect, the newly-opened-posh-resort-style-hotel-on-the-beach-offering-50%-off-its-already-dirt-cheap-prices was perfect, the tranquility, even the late night boozing was pretty much spot on.

I considered this a fine opportunity to nothing but read and laze and lounge for the entirety of our stay, citing 'lack of time' and 'we'll do it when we come back' as reasons why we did not do a single thing of worth. Good times.

Dark histories

7th December - Saigon, Vietnam

Saigon does not have the immediate charm of Hanoi and the attractions within the city are perhaps a little less obvious. However the spirit of the Vietnamese triumphed again when were welcomed into our excellent hotel by an extremely friendly chatter of women.


One of the more thought provoking destinations is the originally titled war crimes museum. It displays some of the lesser known and more unpleasant facts about the American war.

Yet notwithstanding the museum's caliber and punch, the organisers cannot help including little bits of tiresome propaganda which have no place in any objective exhibition. Although I do not debate the veracity any of the information and in spite of my dislike of the American administration, I am rather ashamed to say that I still found myself empathising with redneck GIs sweating away and being shot at in someone else's country rather than those trying to protect it and getting their skin burnt off.

Definitely a place to visit if you come here.

Dragon Islands

4-5th December

So, we made it to Vietnam and shortly found ourselves on a fancy boat cruising around Halong Bay (translated as 'Bay of descending dragons' from Vietnamese). A life I could definitely get used to.

Local legend says that way back when the Vietnamese were fighting off Chinese invaders, the gods sent a family of dragons to help defend the land. This family of dragons descended upon the area (hence the name) and began spitting out jewels and jade. These jewels turned into the islands and islets dotting the bay, linking together to form barriers against the invaders.

Whether you listen to the legend or not, Halong bay is a very spectacular sight and one worth visiting. The bay consists of a dense cluster of hundreds of limestone monolithic islands, some with caves and each topped with thick jungle vegetation, which rise from the ocean. Both Ed and I commented on how it looked a little like Yangshuo, but on water, making it far more impressive.


We booked our excellent tour at Kangaroo Cafe in Hanoi

The land of same same

2nd December - Hanoi, Vietnam

Having searched around the city in some detail, I have found only 7 original items. Everything else was a dirty copy. Fake goods are not limited to watches and sunglasses; you can also find fake trainers, bags, money, hotels, cafes, tour operators, even books.

The picture to the left is also fake.

Who am I kidding? Only rich people and the Japanese really care about authenticity. I was keen to pick up some fake gold jewellery for myself and some presents for my family.

Hanoi is an excellent place. I don't doubt this comes in part from our rather damp final chapter in China, but I was surprised at just how much I enjoyed my time there.

We Stayed in the old quarter along with every other pasty tourist (and there are more than a few). The area is a mix of beautiful old French architecture and mopeds trying to break the sound barrier whilst riding 15 abreast. All of the shops carry out their business on the edge of the pavement and I struggle to imagine a scene more full of life. In the chaos of all this, the locals are extremely welcoming and do not appear to be tiring of tourist dollars in the slightest.

Part of the charm of the area is just wandering down each of the different streets which are known for selling different types of product. In additions, everything is meta cheap, even compared to China, and the food is magnificent.


The rascals that you see above are water puppets. They may look sweet, but having seen a show (where the puppetteers stand behind a screen, up to their waste in bilge water), I wouldn't get in a fight with them; they can run on water and I saw one take down a dragon. I fancy even Semmence could not match that.